I'm not lazy ... I'm highly sensitive

I have not written for a long time. In fact, I have written NOTHING for a long time… not here and not anywhere else, meaning not on my German page either. In the past few weeks, I've made an effort to care less about the outside and more about the inside. Less doing and more being ... and more feeeeling.

The reason for this was that for several months I felt like I was approaching the dangerous border to burnout again. I've been there before, and I certainly don't feel like I want to ever set foot onto that terrain again. This time, however, it was a little different, because I have not been having the concentrated load of stress in my life, as I did back then. At first glance, everything was going well in my life, and yet ... my nerves would often flutter again, and my thoughts would increasingly move in the direction of "I can't take it anymore" as soon as I lost control of my mental body.

When I looked at my daily existence, I could find no obvious reason for my condition, and fittingly, someone in my network reminded me that I would manifest a burnout if I mentioned it all the time.

Really?  

As a child, you noticed elves playing in the meadow among the flowers, and your mother told you that you were full of fluff and crazy ideas and that there was no such thing as an elf. So you learned early on that your perception of the life surrounding you was not right. Today a "life coach" tells you in a "spiritual way" and that you are not allowed to express how you feel, hence triggering an old program of guilt which has worked for decades to lock you into a vicious cycle. A hundred years ago you were sunk into the village pond with a millstone around your neck for speaking your truth, today the threat that you could manifest your own sorrowful destiny when doing the same.

Essentially that is like saying: Don't be like that and shut up … in spiritual language. You could also call it "modern black magic"—and an entire esoteric community believes this garbage and is not even aware which forces they invite in and feed with this mindset.

That I don't keep my mouth shut is obvious with this blogpost, because that's exactly why I'm writing it. Denying one's perceptions is, in my view, a significant problem these days, especially among the oh-so-spiritual and highly advanced ones, who aim to coach or even heal others. Not seldom is this attitude accompanied by overstepping one's personal boundaries, but more on that another time. Back to the actual topic.


High sensitivity ... puuuh

At the beginning of July I pulled the plug in the only way I knew how: I retreated. I said goodbye to many groups on Telegram, dismissed myself from the projects I had gotten excited about, and turned my focus to things that were truly mine: my Root team, and my energy and media work. As the latter moved toward preparations for the big yearling sales in early fall, I even suspended one-on-one sessions in the chamber because I felt I couldn't hold the energies as powerfully as usual. At a time when we witness more and more attacks from the unlight and more and more lightworkers are being taken over, this seemed to me to be the only responsible solution, also because this was the only area where I could actually cut back. I didn't really have control over the other two.

At the same time, I tried to schedule more time for play and leisure more often. Afternoons by the lake, longer walks and periods of silence helped my nervous system to calm down. And then ... a few weeks ago, my attention was drawn to some videos on Youtube dealing with a topic I had only vaguely heard about: high sensitivity. I don't intend to flaunt my own high sensitivity here, but rather I hope that by sharing my own experiences I can help one or two others to understand themselves in a new way, because I believe that the so-called high sensitivity is somewhat different than commonly portrayed.

Precisely because psychologists are now increasingly speaking on this topic, it only means that high sensitivity is seen as something extraordinary, something that lies outside the norm. That's why we give it a name allowing us to talk about it as if it were a disease, even though almost everyone agrees that it's not…but rather something like an "orientation." Apparently, scientists have now found that highly sensitive people are wired differently in the brain...this makes me smile because it confirms the thoughts I have about it.

I believe that what is currently termed "high sensitivity" are the natural characteristics of a person of the New Age. And exactly for this reason I am writing this article, because I am sure that these characteristics apply to many of the readers who follow me.


High Sensitivity is the norm of the New Age

Why do I associate high sensitivity with the New Age? This view is born out of my own experiences.

Looking back, I have always been what you would call a "sensitive child." I tended to be quiet and often kept silent when other children were screaming at the top of their lungs. When I didn't get something I wanted, I would cry silently, shaken by deep sadness, instead of loudly expressing my displeasure. I remember looking around in amazement at this world and wondering why all the adults seemed to be chattering constantly. Their mouths were never still, as if they were following some invisible urge to fill the empty space with noise. One had to be quiet to hear the crickets, the birds and the rustling of the wind in the trees! Why couldn't the big ones be quiet?

My observations left me speechless. I didn't understand so many things here in this strange world, but because my perceptions met with complete incomprehension, I learned early on to suppress or ignore all these impressions. If I spoke about what I saw, I was deemed weird and difficult, which sealed my otherness in a society that regarded all the things as normal that were challenges for me. So I never talked about it again, but tried to come to terms with it as best as I could. Close your eyes and buckle down. Don't whine, Petra.

For decades I tried not to venture too far off track in a world whose unrestrained soundscapes left me speechless. Being a typical virgin equipped with a pronounced mental strength, I used it to control all the physical and emotional reactions to an environment that stood in stark contrast to my inner landscape. This went well until two things happened: I became older, and my consciousness expanded. 

That means in plain English: emotional lows and psychological challenges did a good job of conditioning the head to no longer control the psychological and especially the physical reactions. At the age of 24, I was still able to keep my nervous system in check by application of my own willpower; twenty years later, something similar brought me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. I was allowed to enjoy the latter several times, and I must say that the spiritual lesson was immensely valuable. The conscious realization that there was nothing left but surrender ... when the soul suffers a break down and cries out to heaven in deep despair, something opens: the heart.

And with the opening of the heart, it becomes softer and true compassion takes hold. Suddenly the consciousness experiences a whole new understanding for the suffering of all of humanity and the earth and with that, what happens? One becomes even more sensitive!

In my perception, sensitivity grows gradually hand-in-hand with the expansion of consciousness. The more conscious we become, the more sensitive we become to all elements and aspects of life. Whatever had seemed in alignment before now seems to cause friction within us. Going into detail on all the many facets that suddenly open up and become activated within us would exceed the scope of this article, but it should be clear to everyone what this means: If you were already highly sensitive before, then life in this world now becomes almost unbearable.

I had reached this point in 2000, and I wish I could say that I was aware of it then, or at least realized it at some point in the more than twenty years since, but ... that would be a lie.


Unrecognized high sensitivity leads to compensatory behavior

I became truly aware of this only a few weeks ago while watching a video by a German psychologist named Dr. Wlodarek. Until then, I was still more often than not busying myself with whitewashing the situation to ensure my existence with it. Now I know that neither one nor the other is right, and a few weeks ago I was able to allow and feel my anger for the first time when I left the patio on a wonderful early Sunday morning, closed the door behind me and "enjoyed" my coffee with my thick Bose headphones over my ears because my landlords were already listening to loud church music at 8.30 am with the windows open. 

The church music, the trampling grandchildren, the interludes of flute and accordion, the piano playing, the choir rehearsals and the family celebrations right in front of my patio until 2 in the morning ... all these things I had considered with an attitude that now seems totally schizophrenic to me. I was going back and forth between two reactions. On was of resentment and despair, and one was that I talked myself out of it by praising how active the old folks still are and how great it is to have such a large family that likes to get together and celebrate. Now I see that— although the latter is true, of course, and I haven't moved away from that viewpoint—I was saying that to reassure myself. To calm my agitated nervous system.

Only with the clear recognition that one does not exclude the other and that what counts is what it does to me (!) can I see from a detached point of view the measures I had taken over the many years to make the stress I experienced due to being highly sensitivity bearable. Sleeping with earplugs, wearing headphones and a pronounced aversion to public transportation are the least of it ...

The more sensitive I become, the more challenging it is to navigate everyday life. Making a multitude of lengthy phone calls throughout the day stresses me out more than holding the energy of the chamber for two hours. I absolutely cannot multitask. Talking on the phone while typing a Telegram message is unthinkable—it makes my brain vomit. Listening to music in the car while a passenger is talking, and I'm supposed to focus on the conversation is sheer impossible. Talking about the plans for the week on a Sunday when I'm watching horse races is difficult. Talking on the phone while I have one eye on the live stream is a sensory overload anyway and both areas are two completely different energy fields that I find challenging to navigate at the same time.


Highly sensitive people need order and cleanliness. A stimulus overload can also be an untidy desk on Monday morning when I start the week. I used to think I was completely nuts with this quirk and felt guilty because I thought it was my unconscious trying to keep me from working ... or that I was simply lazy and needed an excuse. 

Today I know that the highly sensitive person needs free and clear spaces in order to be creative. A crowded living environment, where you can't put down a glass anywhere because of all the decorations and knickknacks, causes stress. Order, on the other hand, calms the nerves.

Highly sensitive people need longer to regenerate and for this they need the possibility of complete withdrawal. Switch off everything. Digital detox is essential for survival, so to speak.

Those who are highly sensitive perceive everything around them more intensely, with all their senses (often simultaneously). Stimuli flow unfiltered into the system and often cause stress, which the highly sensitive person counters in a variety of ways. Addictive behavior, eating disorders, autoaggression, emotional discharge, avoidance pattern, alienation, loneliness ... and much more. If the highly sensitive person is often exposed to situations where they cannot control the overstimulation and feel helpless or even powerless and at the mercy of others, this can have serious consequences for their mental and physical health. 

At the end of this article, I attach two videos that illustrate much of what I am saying here. I know they are German; however, if you take the time to activate the translation function, it should work well because the videos are rather short and concise. But before we get to that, it's important for me to draw a positive conclusion.

I myself have rethought many things in my life since diving deeper into this topic. The new knowledge of who I am has helped me to see myself more clearly and, as a result, to treat myself with more compassion. For far too long I felt bad about being "different" and today I have a much better comprehension of this "being different." I lovingly accept it and put aside my feelings of guilt for so many things.

The most serious thing for me was probably the realization that the burnout that lasted almost three years was the result of almost forty years of stress due to an unacknowledged high sensitivity. A kind of soul infarct as a result of unrecognized stimulus overload that ultimately led to systemic collapse when combined with emotional stressors such as loss and grief.


Are you, perhaps, highly sensitive?

If any of what I write here resonates with you, I invite you to take a closer look at your life from these perspectives. Perhaps you will draw a similar conclusion as I have, and you will come to see that you are not as strange and complicated as you thought, but indeed highly sensitive! If you find this to be true, then you are also already well prepared for the New Age.

I hold on to my perception and conviction that high sensitivity will be the norm for the people of the new era we are fast approaching. As our DNA undergoes an upgrade and our cells vibrate higher, our nerves will also become "finer" and thus - more sensitive. Our antennae will be polished as our sensory perceptions become sharper and clearer - more sensitive! Much of what we now still feel as "normal" will seem unbearable to us on the higher vibrational level and will be eliminated accordingly. This will be a process, of course, and won't happen over night. Yet, I would like to remind us that transitioning into the New Age as a highly sensitive person requires conscious awareness and a bucket load of self-love … so, we better start practicing now! 

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